A few years ago, Work Happy founder and longtime DCF member Greg Kettner posted four words on Facebook: “You matter to me.” No context, no campaign behind it — just four words, posted during a hard stretch of building something that felt like it mattered to almost no one but him. Nobody liked it. Nobody shared it. Greg moved on with his day.
The Message That Came Back
Three days later, a message showed up from a woman he hadn’t spoken to in twenty years. She told him she’d had a plan that morning. Then she opened Facebook, saw his post, and thought: “I matter to Greg.” She didn’t go. She never commented. She never liked the post. She just didn’t go.
Why This Matters More Than We Think
Greg shares this story on Episode 22 of our podcast, Actually Doing Things, and one line has stuck with us since: “It’s not the messenger, it’s the message.” You don’t need a credential to be the reason someone’s day — or life — turns a different direction. You just need to say the thing.
It’s a principle we think about constantly at DCF, even outside the context of mental health crises. Connection doesn’t require expertise. It requires showing up and being specific.
A Simple Practice
Greg’s own practice, and one we’ve adopted in coaching conversations here: ask the second question. Not “how are you,” which most people answer on autopilot — ask “how are you really doing.” Or skip the question and just say the thing directly: you matter to me.
Try it today. Pick one person. Don’t wait for the right moment — Greg didn’t have one either, and the post that ended up mattering most was the one he almost didn’t send.
Listen to the Full Conversation
Episode 22 of Actually Doing Things goes deeper into Greg’s journey — from comedy clubs to keynote stages, the men’s support group he helped start in Walla Walla, and what he’s learned about happiness as an ongoing practice rather than a destination. Listen here, follow his podcast Work Happy at gregkettner.com/podcast, and connect with him on LinkedIn at linkedin.com/in/gregkettner.
If you or someone you know is struggling, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7 — call or text 988.
Ready to be part of a community that asks the second question?
